sometimes i just take the bus to downtown for no reason. to get out of the house? sure, but that’s more of a bonus. sometimes i head to the mall. sometimes i just go somewhere and eat. sometimes i go to the bookstore. sometimes i go to startbucks, get a drink and stare out the window. and sometimes, i just kind of wander.
usually, i just walk around aimlessly. no destination. no real goals for the day. nothing really begging to be accomplished. there isn’t anything like letting life slip right by every once in a while… these are days i simply try not to get hit by a car, or trip in the middle of no where. these are the days when even the lyrics flowing through my headphones can’t be heard against the breeze of cars, crowds, and landscapes. when my bag digs into my left shoulder, and my ankle socks aren’t quite at my ankles anymore. when my phone vibrates in my sweatshirt pocket, but even if an earthquake were to hit, i still probably wouldn’t notice. these are the most serene days where…
you don’t have to think about anything but living.
once in a while i’ll see a pretty face that’ll catch my eye. three seconds and two smiles later, i’m walking down the same streets, under the same sun shrouded by heavy clouds light enough to free rain even under the summer’s glare. catch the couple kissing in the sunshine tear drops; i wonder how weak their bubble must be, that they’re still getting wet and yet how dark for them to be so engulfed in each others embrace when the rest of the world is staring. maybe that’s what it’s like to be in love. but the thought is merely fleeting as i continue down another block, wonder whether i should get on the next bus that comes and ride it to the unknown.
live. laugh. love.
i’ve done all of the above, and i’ve done all of them unwillingly. of the three, laugh is the easiest to accept and to enjoy. to live is great every once in a while, but i guess the life of a teenager just isn’t meant to be filled with sunshine. love, however, is a whole other notion (isn’t it always?)
give a little. share a little. lose a little.
that’s the way relationships go. the way life goes. and the price at which laughter comes. how much a “little” is though… well that’s up to the people with the valuables at stake. so take a walk through shady alleys sprinkled in cigarette butts, through parks full of people without homes or couples on a stroll; soak up the fiery reflections and let your feet dangle from the pier as you either stare blankly at what’s left of nature’s beauty, or admire the splendor of life. but for me, parks remind me of the childhood i never had. the smell of the pier drives me nuts and sunsets simply hurt my eyes. alleys bring the risk of getting mugged or raped, or even running into a few exes smoking weed. but when i get off that bus and just start walking… notice the chalk marks in driveways, litter next to garbage cans, music pumping through headphones and flowers laid against a fence next to melted candles…
then i know i’m walking through life, and that’s about as safe as it gets.